Pleasant Darkness (The Hidden Peace)

Fear fear and fear !!! Phobias are in my blood  Never leaving me alone I'm trapped in sadness My heart beats faster When I found myself in crowd Watching all around Just lost on the way to home And can't even find a empty ground It doesn't even leave me When I sit on a wall Just 4 feet height seems like I'm jumping from the terrace of god I can't even date Hate to go with him all alone Because when he looks into my eyes The fear of sex rises and I act like I'm a joker or clown Literally I'm independent Love to live alone  But when the bulb fuses I feel like I'm just lost The fear grabs me hardly I can't even breathe The phobias are on my blood Fear is all around Acro, geno, nycto, ochlo Makes me feel like I'm just grabbed by a beast

Keeping Everything in head Sinking Inside my bed Cheating To be glad Drinking The shake of blood Sewing The holes on heart Leaving Everything I had Screaming To get him back Dying  By cut on neck Remembering The old memories Fetching The hidden secrets Creating Some never ending thoughts Setting The pieces of heart

The phone rings And suddenly my heart My heart starts to beat faster  My eyes got scared And the fear was seen In deep inside my lungs My words were vibrating And cold was my hands The phone call From the one I never wanted to listen to From the devilish well wisher Who destroyed my life With a message saying "It's all for her welfare" How? By locking me inside a door? By bounding me in limits? I'm caged and captured Even my soul is trapped "It's for her welfare" What was his real goal? My welfare? Or leaving me to die alone The phone rings And my heart stopped beating Cause it was his phone call And dying was my welfare So I died alone.

I was just trying Trying to smile Trying to fine And trying to keep myself happy  To write something which makes me happy To stay alive for a day or two And just took the pen from geometry box And opened my dearest diary What next?  Voices knocked my head Voices I never wanted to listen From the lightened room  That was really unpleasant to me Piercing my heart from my ears And what now? I got up and stood in front of mirror Watching myself with a fake smile Saying the fucking words "Happy birthday to me"

People treat me as I'm fucking sugary nice But the thing they must know is I'm the one having a tongue of knife Yes, I smoke and drink I'm dark as fire And note that I'm high enough To kill all desires Am I made of everything nice? Ask yourself after meeting me twice I'm the living hell to make anyone cry I'm the dark chocolate neither I shy nor I cry

Someone brings my hand softly When there is no one around me I believe, there is always someone Who never leave me alone in the darkness I can feel the slight touch While sleeping on my dark bed The voices Peirce my ears  I really believe, there is something that creates the fear I believe there is someone with me I really believe because my heart can sense With whom I talk alone for hours Who controls the brain inside my head I really believe, because I feel the presence I can sense the cute vibes When he walks with me and stands with me With my soul, when sadness seems like a sharp knife I believe, he doesn't exist Because no one ever seen him But he is not the bad soul or devil He never hurts me like human beings do

When I see into the sky And stare at the sea Even I'm jealous of the ground Because they don't have limits The birds flies endlessly And hide behind the trees But my heart can't do that things Because it have never ending limits I'm captured in deep darkness And locked up in a jail They order me to do the tasks And stop me to listen when my heart yells The slammer of my sins That might I never did But I still cornered by the devils And tied by thread of feelings I'm lying in a confined area And my heart can't be free They shut me in inside their fixed criteria Inside the cage of steel Imprisoned by the unknown beasts My heart is on knees All I can see is just A 'caged heart' with injured wings

I know you want my time Want my deep pure love Want to gain some attention And some sweet memories as everyone have Maybe, you won't believe But I never been in love that much I hate to watch the couples Falling in love and having cynic emotions I hate to wait for anyone And hate to let anyone wait for me I hate if you expect things And of course, if you do I'll get you on your knees I hate to tell about  What I really feel Because sometimes I even don't know Where I have been I'm as free as the bird Who flies over the trees Relationships bounds me forcefully And I feel like I'm in jail of feelings The feelings that never belongs to me That stop me to do things I never want to think about anyone To live my life correctly The relationship you're searching for And the changes I see in me I hate that little things That you truly feel for me

You remember that? When I was alive When we used to live together When my eyes were eagerly waiting Just to see you Just to touch you by my sight And just to spend one more night With the person I loved as hell With just you And what you did? You came in the night With an intense horrible darkness To cover my whole body with your black world I couldn't see anything And my heart was peirced Like someone is pricking it  By all love and fate I have I was still alive To feel that affliction And you started to throbbing my wrist By the way I never expected And all I could see was The deep darkness And the fire and blood all around With your voices abusing me roughly You pinched and pulled my hairs And tried to extract them brutally To see the pain in my eyes But I had no tears to cry Just screaming and squeaking I wanted to speak To ask which din I did? Why I'm being punished by the way I never expected And I was still saying sorry By my scared dying voice To the demon o

I never used to be like this I remember everything My thoughts were never like this before And I was really nice and kind My heart was pure And I was innocent Now I'm insane And more worst than devil of doom I'm becoming a mad bitch searching the death bed  I'm sinking in my own dreams But I never existed like this before Unconscious about my own feelings And lost all my emotions Forgetting about every happy moment And drowning on the feelings I never loved before Spending alone nights Scared of everything Hiding teary eyes And keeping all sadness Hating every single thing I used to like I'm lost in myself Away from my own heart

We planned to meet after last shift And I have an extremely precious gift That I wanted to tie on your curly hair When I was watching you as my ambition Forgetting and Leaving all my reputation It's because for you, I always care When you gifted me a black coat And I was taking our marriage's oath I never wanted you to share I brought you closer and lifted a kiss To say that how much I do miss I felt I'm breathing in a magical air After years, we are sitting on our favorite chair Remembering that our decisions were fair Here's an another gammo sonnet I tried to write..and it's really interesting Check it here if you too wanna learn something new https://medium.com/born-in-africa-gammo-style-of-english-poetry/born-in-africa-gammo-style-of-english-poetry-writing-5d729201155c

I looked deep inside your eyes And got nothing but a bunch of lies My heart and brain was on fire You brought a gift that was fake dice And left me alone like a cheap mice The blood in my heart was drier and drier I never wanted you to rush Because after all, you are my only crush What you left for me was just a desire When I ran behind you, the beauty in brown And you were wearing a golden crown I realised that you are being hire Now, you are nothing for me but just a liar And you made me, one of the best crier I again tried an another gammo sonnet.. Will suggest you to write one too  Here's the link- https://medium.com/born-in-africa-gammo-style-of-english-poetry/born-in-africa-gammo-style-of-english-poetry-writing-5d729201155c  

When the world says "Everything will be alright" And my heart shouts silently "I can't believe it can" The journey of being hopeless began When we got stuck somewhere And we know there is no one Literally no one to help us That could mean that we are travelling On the journey of being hopeless When we need someone  To heal our pain But we don't ask anyone And we know, no one is here with us We might be at the middle of that journey When we don't believe anyone Neither our luck, nor the lord And we lost hope Even on unexpected things  The journey of being hopeless is about to end When we bear all pain Without letting anyone know Dying from inside And find no place to go The journey of being hopeless ends Ends with empty hands And empty brain Having no thoughts or blames And free of arguments The journey of being hopeless ends

No one ever seen him None ever talked No one even know whether He was once a human soul Everyone takes him as A rude bloody doll Indicating him as a bad luck They stare at the lock Some says he died And memories keeps him alive Some says he is in pain They listened his screams many times Some says he is evil As he eat animals alive But he is my love Whom I lost for my entire life Rumours keep going viral But my heart knows the real pain As I always talk with him To keep everything besides as they're lies When he got closer and closer Like he used to do when he was live  And chop me into pieces Chop my heart, brain and mind

I'm not bloody feeling less like her I have oceans of feelings and emotions My heart is not just meant to pump the blood My heart is made to beat for her My heart runs to care for her To make her smile And to ignore her rudeness My head is not cruel like her My head have a dream world World consist of pure love Where we'll live together Where she loves me like I always do And where I can hug her without hesitation But yes, my tears are stubborn like her Though Her are for little reasons And mine are for her beast like nature My gifts are not like her I wanna gift her everything I have A most beautiful life that could be on earth But she gives me tears  I still love that pain That sadness, I got as only gift by her Since it's given by my her, my love Some people even call me mad And some treat me as I'm insane But my heart always deny to beat When I resist that pain When I resist to love her And stop missing her as hell May be there was my mistake  Or I'm

The deep red blood On your blonde beautiful neck I was so much screwy As I couldn't even see your pain I was deeply falling for it With it's gratifying smell Like a wolf or a lioness do Watching the fresh and delightful flesh You were lying unconsciously on the floor And I was controlling myself alone It was probably the first time When I was feeling like a wild beast's clone Your blood was inviting me As I was sottish enough I wanted that numb body hardly I had no intension to hurt your soul I came a little closer Controlling my high heartbeats I touched that cavernous wound On the lower part of your knees I was getting insane In the fighting with my inner beast There was no one to stop it And I grasped your whole skin Chewing the pulpy muscles and the blood was all around  I fiendishly killed your body  As I never been known

Stains are everywhere On every little and larger corner Some stains are of pain And some of past mistakes Some have deep regrets on them And some have memories hard to forget  Some are inside the brains Of the one having unexpected but real truth Some are in the hearts Of the one who got disappointed by love Some are just at body To make us remember again and again About how deeply we loved someone And how mad we were Some are of punishments Punishment of what we did And of what we didn't but got as a gift Some are of hard work We did all day and night without asking about time Or stains of never happening wishes Some of the stains don't even have any reason They are already gifted by god  some stains have pain that we never wished for And some have sins Even the moon got a stain Since the whole world have stains Stains of different reasons And stains on different parts The stains that speaks a lot The dumb stains with a lot of unspoken words The unspoken stains

I know how broken I'm  I know how I suffer I know how much it pains I know how I'm dealing with it I agree I'm lost Deep down in the world of ghosts I agree I'm in pieces Somewhere in galaxies Yes, i can't get up now I can't even solve the puzzle The puzzle of never ending questions That tied in the holes of my heart Questions about what I did What was wrong in me? Why I suffer always? And why I'm still alive? Everyone hates me Hate to see my smile Hate to see my ugly face And want me to die But still I'm happy That it's just me With whom everything is happening And I still have tears to cry I'm happy that I'm facing it Rather than someone else I don't have to see anyone crying For the situation I have I'm happy that I don't have happiness Maybe I distributed all Among the poor people of world wide As I always pray for I'm happy that I have feelings Maybe died, but still more than alive ones At least I know people

Oh that incident? Yes it was hilarious The were beasts But what now? Oh yes I remember that too I lost everything That was so unexpected But what now? Oh that one? That was in front of my sight Many people got killed But what now? Should I cry? Or Should I die? Will it got undo ever? No, nothing matters now.

Ill pleased from the world And way from all fierce I'm crepting to my imagination To get rid of beasts and fire I'm sinking down inside the earth Deep down in the heaven's heart Reached to the heavenly world With a high extreme desire of freedom A world having angels And beauty all around Aroma floating in air And flowery velvet on the ground Flying in the air Getting closer to the crown I'm living happily in my imaginary world But in real I'm a stupid clown

When you keep calling me lucky  And I know from what I'm going through When voices on my brain keep teasing me About where I'm and what I'm gonna do You keep Calling me lucky Cause there is someone to feed me But I know the pain Pain of being tied in street My hands are bounded And I'm unable to breath I'm trapped in the set of rules Which keeps killing me as hell Watching others flying happily Being kept in cage I screamed and cried But found no way to fly with craze When everyone enjoys the day Having fun in cars It pains me more Being sitting at the corner of a jar You keep Calling me lucky But I'm the most "unlucky" one I'm trying hard to leave everything But I'm bounded by the chain of commands The chain of rules Rules of the devilish owner I found me lost when I see myself in mirror While watching the butterflies playing with the guard Keeping all the pain And sufferings on the heart I squeaked with all my strength And got free from the d

Waking up with bad dreams And sleeping with a spiritual thing When I look at anywhere What I can see is just a shadowy human being Sometimes he comes closer to me As he gonna enter inside me and sometimes he kicks me like I'm just a stone near his feet When I open my eyes I found him holding my hand I scream and cry But no one even can listen my voice I Want always to run But he pierces my legs by his gun A gun I can't even see But I always start to bleed No one can see my scars And the blood on my neck and blonde I just scream inside my head And they all take me as weak by mental strength I try to run away Away from the bloody soul But he grabs me like If I'm always his bitcy doll

Knock knock knock knock Can you open the hellish door? My name is Mr. Happiness I'm here to spark your clock Knock knock knock knock I'm searching for some innocence A little cute heart And a real smile on the face Knock knock knock knock I carry gifts thousands Will keep your alive And success is on my lands Knock knock knock knock I'm the precious happiness I keep waiting for you always But you're laying down being depressed and sad Knock knock knock knock Can you please hold my hand? I'm here to help you And bring you to the heavenly world

Walking on a empty road I was drowning in my own thoughts By reading a crucial line "Two faces, one evil and other divine" Human have mysterious life Little dramatic having fake smile Sometimes beautiful as angels And sometimes behaves as evil butterflies The so called humans With a heart of steel Sometimes seems as sweet As sugar coated pills While watching a little fish I reached to a beautiful beach Got struck between two sides Saving her or let her cook after she die I touched her spine And felt her last breathes Wondering her beauty I forgotten my all sins I wanted to save her But evil side knocked my brain Hitting the divine me I again leaved her on gravy sand The voices from both sides Overcoming my head And after few seconds The little helpless beauty was dead

I displayed my feelings on a tray and nothing left for me except to pray all the happenings was worst as lame Their eyes were on that ugly frame when they kicked me and called his name but I was the only one left for them to blame They ignored my happiness that I asked to borrow and turned everything slowly into a extreme sorrow at last what they wanted was just their fame I will wait till i grown old my mistake was to be a little bold but unexpectedly I was taken as a game I got stand up and knocked the door again took my hand on neck to jerk the chain keeping a hope to smile again was my only aim

Darkness darkness What do you do? You don't have family And no one is with you Darkness darkness What you supposed to do? No one is behind you But the world is inside you Darkness darkness You know I love you Maybe you'll destroy me But still, I fall for you Darkness darkness Will you be with me? I'll hide myself in your arms And will admire you in dreams Darkness darkness Why you have all peace? You are so silent To numb my knees Darkness darkness No one can see you But you are in feelings Please, can I touch you? Darkness darkness Where are you going to? You are inside me And you know, I can't leave you Darkness darkness How will I hear you? Was that you near me? When the world leaved me alone Darkness darkness People always hates you What wrong you did? What I supposed to do? Darkness darkness I'm always inside you You love me as hell And we are attached as by glue Darkness darkness My only partner is you In the big lonely world You made me to survive

Humans got disappeared And sun is on it's peak We are burning alive In the arms of ignorant seeks Sad and hopeless Lost faith to the deep of sea Whom to ask for water and food When we can't even speak Scared about own existence Where will we be Dull eyes and thirsty tongue Life is on knees Whom for we pray? Holly places are empty The children who shows their mercy Why they aren't free? The people who beaten us And the person who made us survive We are still praying for them Let them know that our presence was nice Road is clean And city is pollution free But still we regret for the people Who helped animals, plants and trees Yes we can't speak But can you sense our eyes? We are asking you to feed us By our prayers, you'll be alive A little understanding And with a bit misunderstood lies I told you about the words The voice of animals, trees and the one who flies

It was so much afraid today as it couldn't eat anything even we don't know how to make it eat something. I tried to feed it by for ship like their mothers do by their peak. I was awake all night with it. It started walking a little today but still Everyone saying it'll die soon. I hope it'll not.☺ Just a hope is enough to break all fear. Let's see what will happen next?.☺

Today, at 7 AM, when I was sleeping, my brother came to me and said that there is a owl in our backyard. I was sleepy and I just ignored and said "it's OK, I'll see it later, it'll not go anywhere till the night " and slept again. After some time, he came back and said "didi, get up fast and save it, it's a small bird which may be attacked by another animal and hidden here in the corner. I woke up and ran to my mom, asked her to keep that bird with me. At the first trial, she said " No, it'll die soon. It is so much exhausted and I can see it can't be alive for more than 2 hours" I requested her and after a long insisting she agreed to keep it with us.  At the first time we thought it's a bird whose wings are injured and that's why they are so small. I Applied some medicine in her legs and at the inner parts of it's wings as it can't even fly...maybe there is something wrong with it's feathers which needs t

Yesterday, I decided to sleep early with my family. It’s been a long time we didn’t even talked properly. Finally, the conversation starts with talking about irrfan khan Mom : irrfan khan lied to her mother and became an actor. Dad : how brave he was, he used his talent and interest together. What you’ll do next sufiyana? I felt nice that at least we gonna talk seriously about my future which never goes straight. Me : I don’t have interest in biology, I believe I can do better with computer science.. Dad : so what will you do for it? Mom : you have a lot of calls about admission in universities and colleges and you just come to us and ask whether what should I do next Me : but I don’t know about anything now and wherever I search obviously they call and ask whether I wanna take admission or not. Mom : you can’t do anything, what you know is just using Facebook and that’s all. Me: mmmm…nothing. Mom : I guess, best thing is you should get married and and do whatever