I'm happy, maybe

I know how broken I'm 
I know how I suffer
I know how much it pains
I know how I'm dealing with it

I agree I'm lost
Deep down in the world of ghosts
I agree I'm in pieces
Somewhere in galaxies

Yes, i can't get up now
I can't even solve the puzzle
The puzzle of never ending questions
That tied in the holes of my heart

Questions about what I did
What was wrong in me?
Why I suffer always?
And why I'm still alive?

Everyone hates me
Hate to see my smile
Hate to see my ugly face
And want me to die

But still I'm happy
That it's just me
With whom everything is happening
And I still have tears to cry

I'm happy that I'm facing it
Rather than someone else
I don't have to see anyone crying
For the situation I have

I'm happy that I don't have happiness
Maybe I distributed all
Among the poor people of world wide
As I always pray for

I'm happy that I have feelings
Maybe died, but still more than alive ones
At least I know people
Maybe not all, but at leafs some of them

I'm so happy that I know me
Cause it's only "me" with me
It's me who gives pain to myself
And it's me who laughs again

I'm so happy that I can smile
Sometimes maybe fake
But at least I'm alive
maybe just literally, but I'm just happy

I'm happy that it's me
Not you or anyone else
To cover this huge part of pain
Rather than asking for happiness

I'm happy in my world
That doesn't even exist
But I'm really happy now
Maybe.