One more sleepless night

Yesterday, I decided to sleep early with my family. It’s been a long time we didn’t even talked properly. Finally, the conversation starts with talking about irrfan khan

Mom : irrfan khan lied to her mother and became an actor.

Dad : how brave he was, he used his talent and interest together. What you’ll do next sufiyana?

I felt nice that at least we gonna talk seriously about my future which never goes straight.

Me : I don’t have interest in biology, I believe I can do better with computer science..

Dad : so what will you do for it?

Mom : you have a lot of calls about admission in universities and colleges and you just come to us and ask whether what should I do next

Me : but I don’t know about anything now and wherever I search obviously they call and ask whether I wanna take admission or not.

Mom : you can’t do anything, what you know is just using Facebook and that’s all.

Me: mmmm…nothing.

Mom : I guess, best thing is you should get married and and do whatever you want we don’t have any problem.

Dad : so, sufiyana…you wanna marry?

Silence !!!

They knew I hate to get married and I believe that using Facebook is not that bad as Indian people make it’s taboo due to some cheap relatives and their nonsense talks but still they endup with saying this again to me. And me, I just kept silence, shut my mouth off and screamed hardly in silence. I wanted to say so many things, I was excited but everything turned again into sad and tired me. Totally exhausted, depressed, I wanted to spent time with my family to get rid of my suicidal thoughts and to forget my failed suicide attempts. My head was screaming hard and no one could listen. Putting my head inside the blanket, controlling my voice of crying, putting a corner of blanket in mouth to block my voice, my screams, hugging my Teddy bear hardly, I cried a lot again. Again, I woke up after one more sleepless night with ignored, tired, swallowed, teary eyes.